RND

RND. Those three letters suck. To me, they stand for Reflex Neurovascular Dystrophy. Other names for the same thing are RSDS - Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Syndrome, and CRPS - Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. No matter what what it is called, it hurts. I was diagnosed with this condition when I was 12 years old. I don't go around telling people I have it. I don't like talking about it all too much to be honest. It makes me feel different. It makes me feel sick. When I was 12 years old, I woke up one morning, and could not move my left leg. It was swollen, red, hot to the touch, and the pain was unbearable. I went to a million doctors it seemed like. There was nothing physically wrong. It was not broken, nothing was torn, it was physically fine. But I could not walk. It baffled doctors for quite some time. I finally went to the Children's Hospital in Seattle. There, I was diagnosed with RND. I stayed in the hospital for three months. After 14 months of being in a wheelchair and crutches, Children's gave me my ability to walk back. However, this was not the end of my battle with RND. It does not just go away. I will likely battle this for the rest of my life. Most days I win. Some days, I feel like I am losing the battle. RND is a chronic pain syndrome, in which a malfunction occurs in part of the nervous system. Nerves misfire, sending constant pain signals to the brain. It causes swelling, redness, and unrelenting horrible pain that doesn't go away with pain killers. It is not a constant pain in one area. It travels around. It is brought on by illness, injury, or psychological stress. I could wake up tomorrow morning, and be unable to move any part of my body. It is scary sometimes, but I try my hardest to not let it get me down. I try to not let it affect me. Normally, I can feel it daily in small doses. For example, I can feel my elbow tighten, swell, and start hurting. I have learned how to manage it to get it to go away faster. Until recently, the worst bout was in my left arm. I fell down the stairs, my RND was triggered, and my arm didn't heal for about a month. However, recently, my RND is back with a vengeance. When I was 12, I woke up unable to move my left knee. Now, 12 years later, this RND is in my right knee. The pain is hard to describe. It is sharp. It feels like stabbing, throbbing pain. However it aches too. The worst for me is the burning. It feels like it is on fire. It is swollen, tight, and hot to the touch. This picture is from the hospital. It shows the swelling, the redness, and the blister.

 It is very difficult to walk, sleep, or do much of anything on my feet. My little tricks of the trade of having this disorder for so long have kept me able to walk. Some days are better than others. I was barely limping at all yesterday all day. Until I stepped on a stick wrong while getting the dog to go potty. The stick came up and hit my ankle in the same leg the RND is having a party in. This triggered the RND to spread to my ankle. I cried all night. I was in the hospital last week, in the ER. The pain was unbearable. I couldn't stand it anymore. They gave me two full doses of hydrocodone, and two doses of morphine, and I was still crying from pain. Last night, I was up until around 5 am crying. Nothing eases the pain. What is different this time, is the blisters and ulcers. For some reason, my leg has decided to blister. That is painful as well. The most frustrating part about all of this is that my doctors are unable to help. My general practitioner said that he is not knowledgeable enough to help, and referred me to a rheumatologist. The rheumatologist does not know how to treat it either. Neither will give me anything for the pain. I am down to my last 3 pills that I got from the hospital last week. Then what? I made another appointment with my doctor. I am going to try to see a different specialist. I am getting depressed. The pain is too much to handle sometimes. I don't feel strong enough to handle it. Then I look at my children and my husband who love me so much, and I realize I need to push through this. When I was 12, I didn't think I would ever get through it, and I did. I will get through it now too. I may wake up tomorrow and be 100% better. Or I may wake up and it be in a different spot in my body. Its all random to me.
Why am I posting this?
I need prayers. I am tired of hurting. I also wanted my friends and family to know that I am not ignoring you. I just cant get out and do a whole lot lately. If you have questions, let me know. I will gladly answer them.