My Side

Kevin and I have an on again off again relationship with the LDS church. It seems when I want to go, he doesnt. When he wants to go, I dont. Therefore, we haven't been in several years (minus the few visits here and there). Well recently, we realized that we have a lot in our lives. We are finally "growing up". We have a mortgage, 2 children and a dog, and now a car payment as well! Growing up has been a bumpy ride. We have had our ups and our downs. However these past 2 months have been a real eye opener to us. We have both felt the spirit telling us we need to bring faith in to our lives. We have a lot, but we could have so much more with love that only being spiritual as a family brings. At first I was reluctant to go back to church. I wanted to try a different church. I wanted to be faithful in other ways. So we bought some bible books, and have been studying scriptures, and praying more as a family. However, praying more brought about something unintended - an even greater feeling that church is what our family is lacking. So the past two Sundays, we have gone. This past Sunday, we did something that we haven't done in years. We paid our tithing. These past two months have opened our eyes in more than one way. This is our first month of having a car payment, this is our first month of the raised car insurance...and I happen to get sick with my RND again. Also, this is the first full month Kevin is not store manager. So we have more bills, and less income. I was reluctant to allow Kevin to pay tithing last week. I will admit it. "we dont have enough money to start that now...maybe next month..." But Kevin said no, we need to now. I said okay, but was fearful that the money would be better used in other ways (maybe toward the $5,000 medical bill we just received from my hospital trip last week!). So we paid an honest tithing, and moved on with our week. Well Monday (or was it Tuesday? hmm) we set up a meeting with our Bishop. We wanted to discuss several things. First, we wanted to talk about our time away from church, and why we were gone and came back. We wanted to get to know him, and at least meet the man. I also wanted to get a priesthood blessing for my leg. (James 5:14 "Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord.") The other thing we wanted was financial advice. The Bishop offered us assistance in getting things straight so that we can afford my medical care. (Huge blessing #1) The LDS church has a special store called the Bishop's Storehouse. Its a store that has a lot of food, and househould things like toilet paper, cleaning supplies, diapers and such. But everything there is free. He offered for us to go there to get food and household belongings, so that we can save our money and put it towards my medical expenses for the month. He also told us that I should try to provide income for our family to help out. He suggested I babysit. I told him I would love to babysit, but dont know anybody that needs care. He said that he will ask the relief society president if she knows anybody needing care. In the meantime, I have looked on craigslist twice, and was going to put an ad on tonight saying that I was looking for a child or two to babysit. Move forward to today... I had a doctors appointment today at 1:00. My doctor changed my medications again, and now we will have more expenses, more tests, more money out of pocket. AND we dont even know if it will help. I was frustrated. I was discouraged. I cried. I felt so stressed. We cant afford to have these stupid expenses. I began to doubt my Heavenly Fathers love for me. I bawled in the van in the parking lot of the doctors office. I felt like the Lord gave up on me. I wanted to go see my sister, because she normally puts things in a better light for me. So Kevin took me over there, and she needed to go to Target, so we went to Target with her. While in Target, I was still rather upset about everything. Money, bills, MORE bills that are going to happen when I go to all the follow-up visits... when I got a text from one of my closest friends. It said "Do you know anyone willing to watch G for me in the mornings? My lady fell through". I stopped in Target, kind of confused and reluctant to believe what I was reading. I hadn't told her about the details of my meeting with the bishop. I try hard to keep Kevin and I's finances private, plus its embarassing to say you're strapped for money. People look and say we just bought a house, we just bought a van... maybe we aren't living within our means. We are trying. Both of those purchases were needed. So I replied to Tami and said "I am looking for a kid to watch" and things went from there, and now I will be watching her son when school starts back up. (Tami is an elementary school teacher) I was amazed. There I was, doubting tithing, doubting Heavenly Father's love for me, doubting that he was hearing our prayers. Then something like this happens. The interesting part is that she was having a hard time as well. She was very stressed when her babysitter fell through, and was having a difficult time finding somebody she trusts to watch her son. I feel blessed that she trusts me. Her son is very easy to love though. I am very excited. I think that this is exactly what Heavenly Father had in mind for the both of us.