Almost 36

I am 35 weeks and 5 days pregnant. Baby is still cooking happily away. I was told at 22 weeks that my chance of making it to term were ZERO. The doctor said that early of a diagnosis of pre-eclampsia meant inevitable premature delivery. I cried. (And cried and cried) I was terrified. I knew what prematurity meant - NICU. I am an attached parent with separation anxiety. I will admit it. I get upset when my older kids spend the night away. Hell I get down when Alisha spends the night places and she is 17 and not biologically my child! How was I going to handle being away from my baby for months? I kept picturing my little tiny baby hooked up to tubes, and monitors laying in an isolette. Then I would picture having to choose, spend time with my girls, OR spend time with him. The fear and anxiety overwhelmed me. Which I am sure didn't help my blood pressure any at all. We did everything we could do to put off delivery. I went on bed rest, changed my diet, drank TONS of water every day, and prayed. A lot. Day by day, week by week I have trudged along. Every doctors appointment pretty much went the same. "Well you're still borderline needing admitted in to the hospital". "You like being right on the fence, huh?" But thats where I have stayed. Right on the fence. For nearly 14 weeks. The chances of this happening, according to the several doctors I have seen, were zero. Yet here I am. With a huge belly I thought I wouldnt have this pregnancy. I am sitting here having contractions, wondering if labor will start on its own soon. This is about when I went in to labor with Abigale. I am just astonished, amazed and more grateful than anything. I am grateful to GOD, my husband, my children, my family and my friends for helping me through this. At my last appointment my doctor said words that I cant help but replay over and over "we're past the scary part, if baby needs NICU the chances of it being for very long are slim, and the chances of long term health defects are next to none." Abby was born around now, and needed no NICU. So I have a chance now. For the past 14 weeks I have grieved an experience I so longed for. Holding my newborn baby on my chest and listening to him cry for the first time. Nursing him without nurses or doctors taking him away from me. Being joyful without fear of if he will be okay. Having my husband hold my hand and stroke the baby's face as we nurse for the first time. His sisters coming in and meeting him after he is born. Grandparents, cousins, everybody joining us, circling around us and feeling the love and adoration of this brand new life. The second I found out I was pregnant I longed for this experience. Now I understand that even with term babies, sometimes things happen and this experience cannot happen. However with a severely premature infant...it cannot happen at all. Now, sitting here at nearly 36 weeks... I have a shot at it. The relief and gratitude is overwhelming. I am amazed at the power of prayer.